I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
send nudes
from the living room?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
