Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
