Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
