"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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