The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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