ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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