Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
