He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
