JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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