9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
