im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
