i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
