a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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