There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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