I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
