started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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