if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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