I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
worst night to have a conscience
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
