so explain again why im purple
no
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
