Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
