Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
