At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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