well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
