watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Randomize
