you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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