she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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