Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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