Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Can Purell be used as lube?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
