i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
