In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
