i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
