i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
