Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
