Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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