naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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