we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
