all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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