i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
