is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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