apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
