you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
