covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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