Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
