like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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