Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
