It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How's work?
Spinning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
