Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
