I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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