i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
