It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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