Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
