he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
