he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
