im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
